can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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