it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
