Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
