Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
