i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
