could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
