apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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