EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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