I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
