i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
