It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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