I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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