please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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