i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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