the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
