im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
