so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
NoShamevember. You game?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
