May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
