So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
