don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize