I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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