he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize