I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize