i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
