I must be too annoying 4 u.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
