Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
