Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
