i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
