There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize