I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
