We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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