The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
