Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
