jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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