I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
