whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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