He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
