You're completely useless in the revolution.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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