when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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