I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
