at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
