My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
