i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
