I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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