How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The best revenge is premature balding
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
