and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
