guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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