Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
