I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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