it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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