we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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