the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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