your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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