I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize