oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
