so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
