she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
