that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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