so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
