So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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