oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
