That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
