Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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