You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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