Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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